second day at work in sentosa. first day of proper work. the job is not too bad. collecting tickets. i realli realli hate pr. roster out today. ive things on on so mani days tat im onli free to work for 7 more days in the month. :X. maybe i'll be kicked out soon. anyhow, the people there are okie. im so not looking forward to work on monday. 4pm to 11pm. i reach home 12 plus am. next day spore idol. midnite shift i think. sharks. i don wanna fall sick again. betta catch more slp these few days!

sleeping too much makes you emo i guess:
1. pearly told mi that not onli does your mind rmb things, ur heart does too. i think ive used mi heart to rmb too mani stuffs.
2. i dreamt of mi prince charming i think coz he made mi smiled so widely and felt so happie for no gd reason (perhaps, perhaps. didnt get to see his face).
3. im wondering wad i wan in mi life. in the present and future.
4. then i tot im a lil lost right now but refuse to admit it (the-always-know-what-she-is-doing-sharon-lim).
5. but actualli ive already admitted long ago tat the-always-know-what-she-is-doing-sharon-lim already became not-clear-at-all-sharon-lim.
6. then it struck mi that itz a no wonder why i feel that people often assume that im always that happie and i don have a vulnerable side of mi because im always pretending to be strong even when i aint.
7. a random tot- do miracles exist?

feel slightly better now. shall blog quickly b4 i feel like vomitting again. rite. ytd first day of work in sentosa. guess wad. 2 hrs after i start work, i started vomitting. 1 hr later, i cannot tahan that nausea feeling and i requested to go home. and i did. then after tat slpt from 1pm to 8pm. woke up to take mi temperature. 39.4 degrees. mi mom said mi face was super red. :X. 0.6 more degrees to admitting to hospital. and seriously i was darn afraid. not coz of hospitals, but needles. i admit i fear injections. then after tat slpt at 11 then woke up sometimes to eat medicine still. this morning went to see doc, gave mi the medicine i hate most-fever blue SUPER BIG PILLS. I SIMPLY HATE THEM. MORE THAN ANTI-BIOTICS. YIKES. and ya, i think i slpt 18 hours outta 24 hrs a day. yea. still having the nausea feeling now. and mi weight is still 47kg. so i think itz okie for mi to eat as much as i wan, even till 6 meals a day during hols. because at the end of it all, i'll lose weight when i get sick and go all the way back to 47 kg again. how lucky. but im so weak. 2 wks, juz didnt rest well and have enough slp for 2 wks and i got sick already. over tire miself out. tot drinking coffee could keep mi eyes open, but mi body cannot ta han. ARGH!!

super slpy and tired!! the ring under mi right eye is so dark like i put eyeliner like that. i need slp! ytd and today went to mediacorp to log for tapes with faye and kwang wei ytd then marcus came today. all in all we are paid 60 bucks for completing all the tapes. so i calculated, like i did around 30 tapes, so like we're paid 2 bucks for each tape?? that's not realli a bad deal. :)! working tml at sentosa! wonder how it'll be like. haha! but im not realli looking forward to it. im more looking forward to the 3rd round of si! haha, think it'll be darn fun! ehz..actualli i do hope that when they brief us rite..they will call us back on the 29th..hee hees..:P:P

back from DMC 1B02 chalet!! i muz say itz super fun!! hmm, we reached the chalet at the quite a ulu place in aloha changi and then all the girls helped out in preparing the bbq food and the guys were playing soccer and risk. then bbq afterwards, took cab to rubez's sis house to borrow mahjong set.. :P:P..then arnd midnite we stopped playing mahjong and went to changi village to see ba poks(transverstites).. felt sad that singaporeans realli behave in that manner actualli..then walked to changi beach..then 8 of them went to old changi hospital with the 5 of us waiting for them at the bus stop..i don deny that im super timid..and mi wild imagination..didnt have the courage to go in..but..hmmm..well..no comments as to wad actualli happened..then went back to chalet..finished bathing at like..3 am..then all of us played a lot of games in the room..some are realli silly and stupid but fun..then like arnd 6 majority of us were already too tired and went to slp..then mi, olivia, dave 1, mark and andrew played poker..lost like..$3.40..then stopped playing..then the guys went to slp too..then shortly after i also fell aslp on the couch and slpt for like 2 and a half hours..and fiona slpt for half an hour..farah and olivia didnt slp at all..then when i woke up was arnd 12..played some games again b4 i head back home with fiona..they are still having chalet there now..i miss chalet!!they muz be having loads of fun now..haha..don worrie mi frenz..i didnt drink or go clubbing..so..haha..no one had the chance to spike mi drinks!!:):)

guess wad..yao han called!!!called mi and faye back to si in april!!i can see that guy with the black motorazr phone again!!wads more, we are paid (well..though pay quite miserable..but itz better than nth..)!!they need some admin stuffs on si to be done..and so tml we are going to mediacorp to work for like..maybe 2 days??coz i cant make it this sunday becoz of mi first day of work in sentosa..oh ya..talking abt it..im paired up with farah and we are stationed at visitors' arrival centre..where u pay ur 3 bucks for admission fees..so..anyone who's free that day..don go to sentosa..it will rain that day..better to stay juz at home..:)..oh ya..and peter thomas called mi and faye juz now..told us that we have been shortlisted to pursue the specialist diploma..i was shocked..reali didnt expect it..itz great..but kinda feel i don deserve it..im still not willing to sacrifice mi slp becoz of it and some others are willing to..but..well..ya..decided to pursue it..don let the opportunity to slip by..so it means i wont be doing part-time work at sentosa when sch reopens..think i'll be working till the end of april..yupz yupz..super slpy now..tml needa wake up early to go to mediacorp..slping early tonite..and gosh..not enough water+not enough slp=im falling sick..for like..3rd time in 2 mths?? argh..

results out. sharks. expectedly mi gpa dropped. and i think mi results slip looks ugly becoz of the c (ivp) and c+ (wp). sharks. and ive got no a for mi entire year 1. -.-". i think i shld stop pinning hopes to get a during exams and start aiming for a for mi ica. with this kinda results it can realli get mi nowhere. not even overseas uni. i realli gotta work harder and itz not juz plain talk sharon. next sem, next sem. though the specialist dip results still not out yet, but i don think i will get it. i think i don deserve it. im unwilling to sacrifice mi sleep becoz of school. actualli i rank sleep more impt than work. yea. okie. sharon u better work harder next sem!! if not no more uni-s for u!! ARGH!!! and the tot is killing mi.

I OFFICIALLY DECLARE MISELF AS REALLI REAALI WANNA KNOW THAT PERSON WITH THAT BLACK MOTORAZR PHONE. i think abt how he looked at mi when im going arnd for interview and i glanced arnd at the crowd and saw him; how he was looking at mi at hdb hub; the look he gave mi when he finished his interview; how nervous he was on cam; the smile he gave mi. i sooo wanna get his contact for further contact! will he give it to mi?? will i see him again? im realli looking arnd for him EVERYWHERE and giving any chance where i mite spot him a miss! i realli realli wanna be his fren!! ive waken up to mi senses and not letting mi ego get its way this time round. pls let mi see him again. pretty please. don let this affinity end. itz not his looks that im attracted to. hez not realli that drop-dead gorgeous. itz a feeling ive inside. for the third time in mi entire lifetime. itz a weird, yet kinda amazing feeling. don let it end juz like this.

realli realli so afraid tat i wont ever see that guy with black motorazr phone again. today is the last day of the 2nd round of si. im not sure if i'll be called back to work for the third round. not sure if yao han was juz trying to fu yan mi. though anyhow someone will be helping mi to get his contact even if im not working, i realli hope that tat someone will be able to get it. no, im not exactly wanting to go back to si juz becoz to get to know tat guy with black motorazr phone. hez the third guy in mi entire lifetime i realli wanna know. first guy at marina bay. second guy in sydney. u know how i feel? itz like, how mani times do i have to miss ppl whom i wanna know but juz becoz of mi ego tat i refuse to make the first move to get the contact thats why i'll always miss the chance to getta know that person? how mani times muz i miss it?? i don wan to miss it anymore. how, how in the world will i be able to find him? if onli i realli talked to him. if onli i asked for a way to get his contact. if onli.. issit regret that im feeling? the first time in mi entire 18 years of living? issit that i didnt grab the chance thats why it will never come back again? pls don tell mi it isnt so. we have a lil affinity between us. im looking everywhere for the sight of him. EVERYWHERE. where i met him and everything. pls don tell mi itz the end of our affinity. pls, no.

the onli guy whom i spotted doesnt have a friendster account! ARGH!! i think he sings realli well and is probably one of the few i realli support!! and wads more, he got to the next round but i dont think i'll be working for the next round!! ARGH!! i wanna congrats him and tell him to jia you!! ARGHHHHH!!!!

GUESS WAD. good old leonard actualli told the guy that i like him. i heard from faye that he actualli asked 'she realli likes mi?' like arnd 3 or 4 times. AND OF COZ leonard HAPPILY said yes. then he was like realli? and haha-ing all the way. GOSH. it gave mi a totally heartbreak like 8.30 in the morning at ya kun and i felt like burying miself into a hole right away. they said itz over, but i think it aint coz i have him in mi contact list. itz not as if i realli like-like him or anything. yes, hez mi type, but nothing beyond that alrite. hez like married? why do this to him? worse still, mi skin is so super thin, WHY DO THIS TO MI?! ARGH!!!!

2 days. juz 2 days in si and mi heart is shattered into zillion of pieces, especially today. realli heartbroken. those who belong to mi type whom i saw in si are either too old, attached, or married (although machiam they come for si, i will know them. -.-"). tats not too bad. not tat bad. guess wad, a fren i juz made today, says i look like im in mi early twenties, although itz becoz the crew i was with was like, nearing 40s. mi heart went PIACK PIACK can. yes, hez mi type, but hez married and is much older than mi. i wont do anything stupid. guess wad, PIACK PIACK PIACK was heard when faye told mi tat leonard automatically gave him mi no. yes, in the end he msged mi, but, leonard, THANKS ARH. friend arh, friend. i was freaking nervous they will reveal that hez mi type when they coincidentally met him on the train (how small is the world.) thank goodness, they didnt say anything. WHEW~ right, tell mi, which guy who is around mi age is behaves like a man, is gentlemanly and charming. juz name mi one, and i'll be amazed. itz a no wonder why i get attracted to guys who are older than mi more than guys who are of the same age as mi. and i juz realised, i don usually get attracted to guys on the first look. yes, itz true.

the contestants for si are great. they are super frenly. we can juz click and talk for no gd reason. today didnt realli talk to the contestants. 1 sp senior said hello to mi and i cldnt recognise her actualli. then another contestant's fren waved bye to mi although we juz merely exchanged looks and nothing else. the rest like, juz merely smile smile. :). too bad angla wasnt here. shes sick. then i took over her and got attached to rachel. the eng crew is funny. rosley, dave and richard. ive stuffs to tell her. :X. too bad ruikun wasnt here. the girl i stared at and he laughed at mi abt came today. the chio bu he got shy over also came today. but he muz be happily collecting his 70 bucks now. HMPH!! clar wont be coming. :(. gurmit is coming down this sat. it means.....BRYAN!! i hate to admit this, but hez realli cute. maybe we can take photo with him. provided we see him, and we dare to do it. hees. looking forward to tml and ya kun!! :)

i saw zhi cong on the way to sentosa today! mi gosh! i nv see him for so long laa! didnt recognise that it was him until he was looking and smiling at mi as he walked past then i recognise him! hez one of those few who called mi 'sharon jie-jie' back in pri sch when i did class attachment for tat class. and hez the one whos super smart and top the class everytime. and hez quite dao and cheeky at the same time. haha. not bad, he looked smart and cute and good-looking! haha! :):). then i rmbed one of mi closest junior back then, yi hang. wonder how and where shes now.

mi feeling are contradictory now juz like wad sharon lim is. but nvm, it WILL be gone once i slp tonite or get busy starting from tml onwards! and come to think abt it, i belong to the grp of species whereby ppl don know wads running thru mi mind if i don say anything at all. serious. im straightforward when passing mi comments but when talking abt how i feel and all, im super indirect unless u're someone close to mi then i'll say everything out. yes, not even when i put mi msn nicks in tat way. they do not necessarily mean wad i realli feel/act/think. when ppl are distant from mi, they wont see their importance in mi life when in actual fact, they are significant. i don always act accordingly to wad i feel/think. tots run thru n fro in mi mind, but i mite not say them out, or even appear to have them running thru mi head. im tat complicated. but when u know mi well, juz one look at mi expression or juz one sentence from mi, u'll know wad im thinking. and yes, im tat simple. tats how contradictory i am.

i need to get out of the house. i getting emo. realli. wad i do at home: 11am wake up. switch on com for a while. 12pm to 4.30pm watch tv. bathe. 5.30pm to 8.45pm watch tv. 8.45pm to 11pm on com. 11pm switch off com go do mi own stuffs. 12am slp. i repeat this cycle every day at home. those drama serials on tv, songs im listening to make mi emo. emo till nuts. i cant control wad mi mind is thinking abt. thankfully sentosa training today. si till sunday (but tat yao hao guy haven call mi yet. argh!! why am i waiting for calls all day long!! the feeling is dreadful!) tues talk show. wed and thurs chalet. and gosh, results are coming out on wed. :X.

3 days of flying away, 1 day of nitemare and i have to save miself. why do i keep dreaming of these stuffs? and all ive got in mi dream is that im saving miself. tats aint bad. but for the past going to 18 years of mi life i think all those killer nitemares stuff ive onli got mi to save miself. come on, itz juz a dream. why don let someone else save mi instead? even in mi dreams i see se bei bei. -.-". can someone else get rid of those se bei bei for mi?

ni you mei you ting jian.. ji mo de shen ying qiao qiao zai man yan..

wo men rao le zhe me yi quan cai yu dao.. wo bi shui dou gen ming bai ni de zhong yao.. zhe me jiu rang wo jiu jue ding le.. jue ding le ni de shou wo wo le bu hui fang diao..

think im quite emo these few days compared to other days. but im okie, realli realli fine. juz listened to mani things and those sentences revolved arnd mi head. :). time and fate are weird and marvellous stuffs. mi power is nth compared to them. anyhow, didnt get to meet up with wei ting and bee fang today coz bf gotta work (and zoe n yun gotta study for their upcoming block tests. GOOD LUCK!!) but mi and bf like got fate!! i was going to shop at marina square with mi mama, then saw her and adeline!! hahaha!! i was dreaming away then she spotted mi first. hahaha. ;). she missed mi too much, tats y purposely bump into mi. haha. :P:P. then got mi gu-niang bag!! wahahaha. ;). and tml cannot meet up with malcolm, cj and pearly coz mal gotta work and this thurs i gotta work for si! :(. i cant make it next tues n thurs too. :(:(. the wk after?? tat seemed sooo long later. *pouts*.

have you ever tot abt smth which u don understand why itz like tat in reality? ever tried trying to understand it but failed? i did. but now, i find it no point trying to understand wad i'll probably never understand in mi entire lifetime. coz whether u understand it or not, life still goes on the same old way. perhaps when u understand it, u'll see things in another point of view. but, i guess itz onli tat?

tats y i feel tat ive changed. i take things easy now. yep, sometimes still will expect, hope for some things to happen, like si for example, but theres one nite i told miself, so they don tell mi, wad am i going to do? life still goes on. and we'll never know wad life has in store for us. :). but also, im more passive. u know back in the old days, sharon lim is always saying 'fight for wad u wan, fight for wad u believe in'. well, i don think itz the case with mi now. i kinda take things as it goes. sometimes itz becoz i know wad i wan, tat the results i don wan it to be becoz i fight for it tats y i attained it. sometimes itz juz an excuse- im tired. haha, actualli itz plain lazy and ego. all mi advises i used to give in the past don work for mi now, and ive lost the ability on how to give advises, bgr, frenship, everything. mi inner thoughts have changed, i smile and laugh 24/7 and sometimes i realli do wonder if itz all true from mi heart. changes mite be for the gd or for the bad. but i think itz for the bad this time round. i refuse to let miself to be the one who keep finding trouble for miself, and in the end, hmmm, i dunno. like tat. im a total contradictory. like, there are always 2 sides to a coin for mi, and i always choose to look on both sides. im weird. haha. but still, all these are juz problems with miself. i think i still treat ppl the same as how i used to treat ppl. itz juz, conflicts with miself. haha. but these conflicts and changes arent going to affect the world, and i don think it'll affect wad life has in line for mi. so, haha, don bother too much abt it. u know sharon, shes always tat contradictory. say things out for no good reasons. lamo. childish. silly. foolish. stupid. and last but not least, cute. :).

and if u're wondering why im blabbering so much abt miself early in the morning, itz becoz of mi dreams. haha. dreams.

first and foremost..i love mi frenz!!mi clique, yana, pearly, and everyone!! :)

hees..:P okie! so i think im going out with wt n bf on monday! shopping! but onli window shopping!! i wanna buy bags!! hahaha..then come to think abt it..si rite..im not sure if we'll still be running arnd with producers..but i know im definitely not attached to douglas if tats the case..don think hez working..then heard from faye tat we mite be sitting beside the judges..and we'll be listening to the ppl singing? AWWWW!! i'll melt i'll melt i'll melt! like i almost did in the first round of idol listening to 2 ppl singing and this time all others?? no!! i don wanna melt!! seriously..i don! but then..tat mite not be the case too..tat we'll be sitting beside the judges..sooo..haha! enjoying mi hols!

mi feelings are kinda extreme these few days. i dunno why. but anyhow, suddenly i find miself so busy for hols, not much time to slack at home actualli. monday might be going out with part of clique, tuesdays might be going out with mal and guys, then from 16th to 19th helping out at si (yes, they finalli called, but onli called mi to work for march!! but better than nth..heard tat we mite get paid..haha!) then 21st attending adrian pang talk show, 22nd and 23rd going for dmc class chalet. come to think abt it, im quite excited!! we might be going clubbing..:P:P..but definitely drinking..time to train mi drinking stamina! ya..meanwhile will be waiting for sentosa's call to go for work..;)

im going nuts. i dunno wads running thru mi mind. im starting not to understand miself more and more. what are you thinking, sharon??!! are you out of your mind to even think of that "possibility" which leads you to whatever that is running thru your mind now??

and i found a job!! lala!! didnt think tat i'll be shortlisted actualli. sentosa ticketing. 5.80 per hour. i tot was not bad until i realised itz actualli quite norm and low. but anyhow, took it up and decided to slack mi time away at home when not working. maybe if i know another lobang i'll take it up, but if not i'll juz make do with it. itz seriously not easy to find job that has immediate vacancy and allow u to work for onli 1 mth. and taking day-offs in between. :X. :)! maybe can work like once a week this mth? MAYBE. i'll be having mi paid training this thurs and maybe fri. :).

hmm..from the looks of it..i don think im needed at si anymore..coz douglas no need to go back to si i think..hmm..nvm..but muz say thanks to ruikun who tried to help mi ask..i kept bothering him abt the results of it too..though he dunno if we're still needed..but i think don need bahz..nvm..:)..had gd memories over there..mi next affiliation with mediacorp is the adrian pang talk show coming up..itz a pilot programme..on the 21st march..i think itz cool..and itz going to be fun??hahaz..

and seriously..i need a job..does anyone have a lobang??i think the sentosa ticketing which i went for the interview today..is a bit..ermz..no point..coz i can onli start work in april..i'll rot..:X..so..lobangs anyone??

upon the tot of how mi hols would be like..work..kbox session with gla, fiona and jy..work..going out with mal and guys..work..going out with clique..work..chalet..work..maybe some fac stuffs..and work again..theres juz smth missing..ji dan!!and tat thing is si laa..i know ive said it lotsa times and those reading these are probably already sick of listening abt it..but HUH..why no calls?no calls?still no calls??for the first time in mi life i kept mi hp by mi side for all day long..but wad do i get?okie..a call regarding fac which i tot was from si..:(..they called the np ppl..gla and leonard..but wad abt clar, faye, timo and mi?oh..im not sure whether they called timo though..han sook, alvin and chan have their aps there..but wad abt iggy, douglas?they wont be there?so we not needed?u see ive been self-comforting miself tat they'll call..and i have the feeling tat they will..but how come?2 days already..mi feeling is wrong?i already missed the fun we had..and we've been hoping that si will need us back again..like..somehow hoping that the fun will be included in part of our hols?tats y i feel smth is missing..don like tat laa..call us..call us..call us..

actualli wad i wan is very simple. a guy who has onli mi in his heart, he understands mi and i understand him too. theres no need for him to be wealthy, good-looking or do things to impress mi. when we are together, juz like any other ordinary couple..hand in hand walking along the streets even without a purpose..but know the role we play in each other's life and heart..no matter how silly we may be in front of each other..how mani foolish things we have done..tat kinda simplicity will be sufficient for mi. :)

but why does that kinda simplicity seem so hard to attain?

i promise not to find trouble for miself. RAWR! SHARON LIM WILL NV GIVE UP EASILY! JIA YOU! :)!

Sharon Lim -- greedy but easily contented; rational but impulsive; speak a lot but quiet; believe in things completely but have doubts running through the mind; think a lot but choose not to think at all; simple but complicated. to put it simply, im a total contradictory.
BUT I LOVE SMILING! :).

.andrew.
.andri.
.angela.
.bee fang.
.cheng wei.
.clarise.
.edwin.
.eric.
.farah.
.faye.
.felix.
.hong jin.
.hui qing.
.izyana.
.jason.
.jasmine.
.juan hui.
.kevin.
.kinho.
.kwang wei.
.li xuan.
.li yun.
.malcolm.
.marcus.
.nurul.
.pearly.
.stella.
.timothy.
.ting xuan.
.yanda.
.ying xia.
Photo: Foto Decadent
Textures: /Carton Squid Fingers
Brushes: Romance Box Funeral Monster
Designer: Provocative

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